Strength in Numbers

I have so many thoughts running through my head for this post I can only hope to organize them properly so you may feel the same positive and powerful impact it’s made on me. This may be a powerful trigger to someone who has been hurt as a child.

Nature has so many lessons to teach us if we only take a moment to look around. As I was sitting on my lawn mower over the weekend mowing, I heard spirit speak to me and say “Look up.” When I looked up I stopped in my tracks. I saw not one, but two American Eagles flying overhead. The hair stood up on my entire body. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. It’s rare enough, for me in Ohio, to even see one fly overhead but to see two? I was shocked.  As a shamanic practitioner, I knew in that moment, spirit was sending me a message. (I told my husband about them this morning, he said I probably witnessed a mated pair flying together.)

As I was mowing again later in the evening I heard something above my head in the sky. I looked up to see a hawk being mugged by two small birds. And I remember thinking very clearly “Oh look, it’s that time of year again.” These two little birds were screeching and mad as hell at the hawk. They were dive bombing the hawk to drive it away from their nest. The hawk was really struggling to get away. Fast forward to Monday morning on my drive to work down 75 South and I see the same thing again. Now I’m thinking, ok spirit, you’re clearly sending me a message, but I am not understanding. Help me out. (Picture my spirit guides smacking themselves in the forehead saying “This bitch here…”

I got home from work Monday night and I was talking to my husband asking him how his day was. He tells me “Boy the girls (our chickens) were giving the male duck hell today.” I asked him what he meant. He said “Three of the girls were going after him pecking at him as a warning.” And that’s when I *knew* my spirit guides were banging their heads against the wall screaming at me “OMG WOMAN WILL YOU PLEASE PICK UP OUR MESSAGES?”

OK I GOT IT! DOH! Huge light bulb. So many important things to get from this.

Hawks are the natural predator to the small birds on our property, both the wild life and the ones we are raising. Our chickens have us to protect and watch over them. We take certain precautions to ensure their safety day in and day out. What do the wild life birds have? They have each other. There is strength in numbers. I cannot stress this enough. They are not alone. One small bird alone is no threat to a hawk, however, let two and three of the small birds come after the hawk simultaneously and the single hawk must then move into fight or flight mode. More often than not, it will choose flight because it knows it cannot withstand the onslaught from more than one attacker. It wants to live to fight another day.

As children, when we are small if we do not have the proper protection from the adults who care for us, we are vulnerable and not able to defend ourselves. We are the perfect prey for the predator who can see from the bird’s eye view and know that no one is watching. We endure what we must so that we, too, may live to see another day. No one protected us in that moment. However, when we become adults, staying secluded becomes a choice. I am choosing to no longer stay secluded. I am no longer anyone’s prey. I am strong and there are strength in numbers. I am not the only person who endured hell as a child at the hands of an adult. It is time for us to stop secluding ourselves. I have been given clear messages it is my path to walk and talk and bring awareness to this crisis.

By using my voice and reaching out my hand emotionally, I am lending my support to another survivor. I am presenting the opportunity for the survivor to know they are not alone. Let me repeat this. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Allow your voice to be heard, even if you’re only willing to talk to one other person. Like the small birds warning the hawk, come out of the shadows and hold my hand. Allow me to stand with you. Together we will show the world we are no longer victims in the victim mentality. We are here to make a difference and help someone else just like us.

Eagles and hawks have the bird’s eye view. They can see for miles clearly because they are not on the ground, stuck. Our pain, anguish and all emotional baggage can weigh us down like a broken wing. When we are broken, we are still prey. It’s a daily choice as an adult to stay broken. Today, decide, NO MORE. Say this with me outloud: “I am no longer willing to be broken. I am no longer willing to do this alone. I have support.”

A mated pair of Eagles represents life anew, the possibility of a beautiful new life coming into the universe. Birth, abundance, fertility. In this time of Beltane we have fertility, renewal of life with deer foaling, eggs hatching, goats birthing! It’s time to heal the broken wing. Share your baggage with a therapist, a friend or me. Write it down and allow the weight from that burden to flow from your shoulders to that piece of paper so you are no longer carrying it alone. Even weight on an airplane must be distributed properly for a plane to take off. So too must the bird carry its weight evenly. You are ready. You are ready to take small bites of the past, digest it and move on. You are ready to spread your wings and take flight, embracing the new life ahead of you.

Come fly with me. Be the Free Bird who has so many places to see, but does acknowledge they CAN change. We are free. We are love. We are light. Our shadows (past pain) are a part of us, but they are not the whole of us. We are a beautiful symbol of the yin and the yang. We embrace our light and our shadow and know they made us into the perfect human being we were meant to be.

May the Goddess and the God bless you with new life and abundance to allow you the freedom you so desire and deserve.

Peace and Blessed Be

Shelley

 

Lose the Expectations – Just go with it

When I had my distance attunement, I was very careful to plan it so I could be alone in my room where it was dark and I could relax. I was prepared for this powerful moment to swoop in and change everything. I was told it would take approximately 30 minutes and to just relax. I did exactly as I was told. The teacher let me know ahead of time I may feel nothing, I may feel tingles, I could see things, the possibilities were endless. I just *knew* I was going to feel something so powerful, I’d be able to leap up off the bed and start healing people energetically immediately.

Yeah, no. This is not what happened for me. I felt squat. I mean nada, zip, zilch, nothing. I was rather bummed out. I knew ahead of time it could happen that way, but I had set a different expectation for myself. I expected more and this is how spirit teaches us important lessons. We don’t have a right to expect anything, not even to be breathing in the next 5 minutes because we never know. Spirit knew what I expected and they also knew I was a work in progress. Have you ever seen that photo of the guardian angel whose head is on the desk because it’s worn out? I swear I think I’ve put my guardian angels through some shit and they just want to bang their heads against a wall. I am the person who must learn the hard way. Why? I don’t know, I wish I did. In hindsight I can always see they tried really hard to show me gentle signs, in the end, I wind up learning after I get hit upside the metaphorical head. Oy vey is right.

I walked away from the attunement pissed off. I thought, what a crock of crap. Nothing happened. I went outside, hopped on my lawnmower and started mowing the lawn. I was pretty cranky and started arguing with myself. I do this regularly. Sometimes I actually do it out loud and people look at me. I’ve always said “I talk to myself a lot. I’m the only who makes sense to me.” Little did I know at the time… it’s never been me. It’s always been a guardian angel the entire time. Sometimes different ones. But I have never been alone on this journey and neither are you.

If you’re actually reading this blog post, the one thing I cannot express enough to you is to lose the expectations. Everyone is different. My abilities have started developing relatively quickly for me but I’ve worked my ass off to get here. I have a long way to go, but it’s happening. I had to shed 47 years of previous religious beliefs, self-doubt and shame to get this far. When I started out on this journey, I didn’t believe I was worthy of a gift like this. (I know some people don’t like the word gift, but this is truly a gift to me.) Getting to the point where I believe I am worthy of this gift has been the toughest thing I’ve ever been through in my life.

In order to get this far, I had to wade through years of pain and let it all go. I still struggle with it some days. When you grow up hearing you’re too fat, too stupid and not good enough you actually believe it. When you’ve been molested as a child and told no one loves you and that’s why you’re an easy target, you believe it. It puts your inner vibration at such a low point, you emit this low vibration which in turn attracts other low vibration to you. You get stuck in a circle of the same things happening repeatedly because you just can’t see through the low vibration until something comes and shows you a new way. HOWEVER, you have to be open to it allowing the new way in.

It takes an inordinate amount of inner drive to come to the rationalization “I am worth it.” My light had shown so brightly when I was child that everyone wanted to put it out. It was intimidating to see someone who a child who was so smart and so capable they actually felt threatened. They wanted my light for themselves. Why? Something in their past took their light too. We repeat what we know. Being mad at them isn’t the answer. Forgiving them and moving on is. Their behavior dimmed who I was meant to be. I allowed the dogma of religion and wanting to fit in to dim it even further.

Still, through it all Spirit believed in me even when I couldn’t believe in myself. Spirit carried me on the beach in the moments I couldn’t carry myself. All those years I thought I was alone, that those were my footprints in the sand, but they were not. I was saved twice from suicide. I was ready to go, but Spirit knew it wasn’t time and stepped in. I have wandered through life bogged down by pain and other’s expectations and my light was dimmed.

NO MORE! I have claimed back my light. It shines bright in the hopes that I may be able to help someone else find their light. I will never give up again. I am worth it. YOU are worth it. If you are unable to help yourself, then I am here fighting for you and me both. Spirit is there for you even when you don’t realize it. I mean let’s face it, it’s not easy saying to people “I’m a medium who can speak to souls which have crossed over.” Even today there’s a stigma attached to it, especially to the word witch. I am not ashamed and I will not hide.

I am proud. I am light. I am love. I am worth it.

Peace and Blessed Be
Shelley