Pointing the Finger

This entire blog is about my journey to healing my inner wounded child. I’ve had so many people ask me “How did you do it?” “How did you get off medication?” “How do you forgive?” Dude, there’s no easy answer. This is gut-wrenching shit. Painful, soul-bearing, admitting-you-actually-took-part-in-the-pain, howling while you cry shit. The most uncomplicated answer I can give you is simply this “Stop ignoring your pain. Feel it and move through it.” Only then can the healing begin.

Here’s where I think some people get confused. I’ve heard “I do feel it. I feel it every day.” That’s the issue. You’re stuck in the muck. Get out of it! Don’t allow it to control who you are. If you are feeling it every day, you aren’t dealing with it. You are wallowing in it. It’s very easy to slip into the victim mentality. We’ve been through hell. We are allowed to feel the pain, but we are not allowed to make that pain someone else’s problem. I did just that. I’ve hurt so many people.  I was stuck in the “It wasn’t my fault” mode. I did that point your finger thing. Have you heard this quote?

Remember, When You Point a Finger at Someone, There Are Three More Pointing Back at You – Unknown

Think about this… when you are telling someone “You did this to me.” Your first finger is pointed at them, but you ARE in fact pointing three fingers back at yourself. You are participating in the ongoing pain by carrying it. Every day when you wake up angry, you are choosing to pick up the pain, put it on your back and carry it as a reminder. Anger is like a thriving plant. It needs energy to grow and survive. When you pick it up, you are feeding it your energy. You are giving it a life force. What would happen if you woke up one and looked at the pain and said “I’m not picking you up today. You can stay right where you are.” The first day it may not diminish much because it’s been taken care of for so long it can go a few days without being fed. But … if you continue to tell it to stay where it is. You’ve dealt with it and you’re not going to carry it any longer. After a week of telling it to stay where it is, you notice the leaves are starting to turn brown. You get ready for your day and you realize you actually feel pretty good. You note this feels interesting, your shoulders are lighter and you have a little more pep in your step so you keep going. After another week of leaving it in the corner, more leaves are turning brown and you’re feeling better every day.

VISUALIZE THIS… follow me now… what if you sat down after a few weeks and sat in front of the brown, drying plant and said “I FORGIVE YOU.” GASP! Forgiveness. The ultimate plant killer. You forgive the pain and everything about it. Suddenly, your shoulders are no longer slouched. Your head has moved into the upright position and it’s like you are seeing for the first time. Why? Anger is no longer weighing you down. The life force you put into that anger is now being put back into taking care of yourself, learning to love yourself. You go on about your day and when you come home you notice something odd. The plant is no longer a plant, but ash. The ash is now going to be put back into the earth to transmute into beautiful plant food and feed the earth.

YOU did this. Your hard work has made this change. Is it easy? Fuck no. Is it worth it? A million times yes. Why? Because YOU are worth it. You deserve to stop carrying around the anger and the burden that you decided you needed to carry because it was either given to you or you just thought you should. Use the life force to feed yourself. Feed your inner happiness. Feed your passion for life.

I wish for you this or something better.

Peace and Blessed Be

Shelley

 

Excuse me? Who, me? Seriously!?!

In April of 2016 I took an Aromatherapy Certification course with my girlfriend, Trisha. It was a weekend spent in the home of the people teaching the course. It was an amazing experience and the food? WHOA!! The wife of the gentleman teaching the course could cook like there’s no tomorrow. If you left the table hungry, that was your fault, but I digress.

We met wonderful women during this weekend from different walks of life. One of these women was from Russia. Her name is Nikita and she had a wonderful accent. She was so knowledgeable already on essential oils and helped to explain some things I may not have understood. During our breaks and after the days teachings were over, Trisha and I started talking to Nikita about different things. Nikita was very into the metaphysical side of life which was something I knew very little about.

We were talking about Astrology, numerology, past lives, etc. It was very interesting to me, but nothing I had ever considered myself to be interested in prior to this conversation. I mean sure I’d read my horoscope growing up, but didn’t everyone? I also messed around with energy once as a kid, which I totally forgot about until writing this post. I was a sleepover in probably 5th grade. We played the game “Light as a Feather, Thick as a Board.” Five little girls were able to actually lift another 5th grader off the floor with just our finger tips. That scared the bejeesuz out of me. We also played Bloody Mary that same night. (BTW, not for nothing, but I didn’t sleep that night.) As if I hadn’t learned my lesson enough, one night we played around with a Ouija board. NOT a very smart thing to do when you have no idea how to protect yourself metaphysically. The damn white thing moved on it’s own and told us it was a 6 yr old child who had been murdered. I was done. Threw the board out and never looked back.

To me, this were all just games. Stuff which wasn’t real and kids just played around with because we were the only ones dumb enough to believe it. Adults told us we were silly and just left us to our devices. My mom did read Tarot cards when I was younger. She had a very bad experience with them when I was about 15 and she never touched them again.

Nikita continues on talking to Trisha and I’m just sitting there listening. I had a look of disbelief on my face and plain as day Nikita said “You have the gift. I don’t know why you’re shocked at the conversation.” Excuse me? Who, me? Seriously!?! You have got to be kidding. And that’s exactly what I said. I shook my head no way and Trisha looked at me and said “Yeah, you do.” My jaw dropped open. We had been friends for about 9 years up until that point and NOW is when she’s telling me this? My head was spinning in disbelief. Trisha repeated what she had said previously. I hadn’t been open to hearing about many things she believed in and she was afraid to talk about them to me for fear of being judged. So.. here we were. She got all into oils and the great beyond was staring me in the face whether I liked it or not. Crap.

This one fairly innocuous conversation was a snowflake which turned into a snowball. One I never expected to snow again much less grow into a snowball. My life was about to change in a very big way. I had no idea.

Blessed Be – Peace be with you
Shelley

**Nikita’s name was changed to protect her true identity.