Pointing the Finger

This entire blog is about my journey to healing my inner wounded child. I’ve had so many people ask me “How did you do it?” “How did you get off medication?” “How do you forgive?” Dude, there’s no easy answer. This is gut-wrenching shit. Painful, soul-bearing, admitting-you-actually-took-part-in-the-pain, howling while you cry shit. The most uncomplicated answer I can give you is simply this “Stop ignoring your pain. Feel it and move through it.” Only then can the healing begin.

Here’s where I think some people get confused. I’ve heard “I do feel it. I feel it every day.” That’s the issue. You’re stuck in the muck. Get out of it! Don’t allow it to control who you are. If you are feeling it every day, you aren’t dealing with it. You are wallowing in it. It’s very easy to slip into the victim mentality. We’ve been through hell. We are allowed to feel the pain, but we are not allowed to make that pain someone else’s problem. I did just that. I’ve hurt so many people.  I was stuck in the “It wasn’t my fault” mode. I did that point your finger thing. Have you heard this quote?

Remember, When You Point a Finger at Someone, There Are Three More Pointing Back at You – Unknown

Think about this… when you are telling someone “You did this to me.” Your first finger is pointed at them, but you ARE in fact pointing three fingers back at yourself. You are participating in the ongoing pain by carrying it. Every day when you wake up angry, you are choosing to pick up the pain, put it on your back and carry it as a reminder. Anger is like a thriving plant. It needs energy to grow and survive. When you pick it up, you are feeding it your energy. You are giving it a life force. What would happen if you woke up one and looked at the pain and said “I’m not picking you up today. You can stay right where you are.” The first day it may not diminish much because it’s been taken care of for so long it can go a few days without being fed. But … if you continue to tell it to stay where it is. You’ve dealt with it and you’re not going to carry it any longer. After a week of telling it to stay where it is, you notice the leaves are starting to turn brown. You get ready for your day and you realize you actually feel pretty good. You note this feels interesting, your shoulders are lighter and you have a little more pep in your step so you keep going. After another week of leaving it in the corner, more leaves are turning brown and you’re feeling better every day.

VISUALIZE THIS… follow me now… what if you sat down after a few weeks and sat in front of the brown, drying plant and said “I FORGIVE YOU.” GASP! Forgiveness. The ultimate plant killer. You forgive the pain and everything about it. Suddenly, your shoulders are no longer slouched. Your head has moved into the upright position and it’s like you are seeing for the first time. Why? Anger is no longer weighing you down. The life force you put into that anger is now being put back into taking care of yourself, learning to love yourself. You go on about your day and when you come home you notice something odd. The plant is no longer a plant, but ash. The ash is now going to be put back into the earth to transmute into beautiful plant food and feed the earth.

YOU did this. Your hard work has made this change. Is it easy? Fuck no. Is it worth it? A million times yes. Why? Because YOU are worth it. You deserve to stop carrying around the anger and the burden that you decided you needed to carry because it was either given to you or you just thought you should. Use the life force to feed yourself. Feed your inner happiness. Feed your passion for life.

I wish for you this or something better.

Peace and Blessed Be

Shelley