You know how you’re just tooling along on the road for the trip you planned and it’s all good. You get lost in the music and you’re just driving. Then you realize you may have missed your exit and now you have to figure out what to do. Before the days of the GPS you had three options:
- Get out a map and see where you were.
- Go to a gas station and ask for help.
- Be brave and use your sense of direction to figure it out on your own.
All of these options end with you making a decision. A decision you hadn’t intended on making when you got in the car, but alas here it is in front of you. Freaking out doesn’t help anything. It just makes you anxious and then decisions aren’t clear-headed.
I am at a fork in the road, one I didn’t think would happen. I’ve been tooling along knowing I had to write this blog bringing awareness about incest and helping to validate other survivors in knowing they are not alone. It’s real. We can survive. We can become healthy and move forward in life. While we will never forget what’s happened to us, we can forgive and go on to be truly happy. I thought it was going to be important to tell the stories of my childhood in chronological order, then discuss the evolution of my path. It’s becoming more clear to me that the stories will come out as I start to explain my path and how I got to where I am today.
Where am I today?
Today I am at peace. True inner peace. This is something I never thought I would find. I just thought I would forever be in turmoil in my heart and I just thought everyone lived that way. I had no idea it wasn’t normal to obsess over routines, the pattern of the hair on my arms, keeping my arms and legs from hanging off the side of the bed, being afraid of what exists under the bed as an adult, being afraid of the dark and a myriad of other things. The older I became, the more I began to realize I wasn’t a typical person. I refrain from using the word normal because seriously… what is normal? Normal is average and I am far from average. I am fucking amazing.
So after today… I will start writing about my journey to change. It’s been long and really hard. I’ve survived it all and the universe has been amazing in the gifts I have been given.
Please join me as I change my path once again.
Peace be with you.